How I Drowned

by Maxine An

When I remembered, you forgot.

When I said yes, you said no.

When I left, you stayed.

When I hung on, you let go.

That’s how I sank.

It was only a couple of months.

It was too little yet too much

Not enough time to accomplish anything

But too much time to develop everything

That’s how I sank.

When I confessed, so did you.

Yet we were thousands of miles away

It left us nothing but the memories

But memories always fade

That’s how I sank.

You promised to keep in touch

But you didn’t and I did.

I couldn’t get over it and let myself fall.

I tried and tried but nothing worked at all.

That’s how I sank.

We barely spoke but yet I heard so much.

You wanted to move on and so did I.

She told me you still cared.

Did that meant I should still try?

That’s how I sank.

I didn’t control you but the feelings controlled me.

If we never speak, we’ll never know.

Distance should make the heart grow fonder

But regret filled my heart and I let go.

That’s how I sank.

When I’m here, you’re there.

Finding answers to endless questions

Overthinking and overanalyzing

Realizing all that I’ve got

When I’m finally done, you’re not.

That’s how I drowned.

Adriana DeNoble